The CSR Files

Even in the culinary world, one can come across random acts of stupidity.

I had been sent back to the production kitchen the other night to check on the other students. One of the chefs was keeping the girl who was plating desserts with me company when they get this ticket requesting one order of Creme Brule… to go…

Chef B tried explaining to the waitress (who was going along with this request - I hate this girl) that we… don’t… do… this… But the customer “just wanted the flavor” so we were pressed into going along with the order, which basically involved burning the dessert, as usual, and then unceremoniously dumping it out into a to go box and tossing some berries on top.

This was the point where Chef B lost it and ordered me back to the restaurant so I could deal with the stupid stuff, while the executive chef, once again explained to the waitress that she should never send us stupid orders like that again.

It’s really just a question of paying attention to what we tell you and paying us the common courtesy afforded to all people. That’s it. That’s the secret to successfully dealing with Customer Service.

My first call of the day was from a customer who had changed his email address, but had not updated his account information. No biggie. I updated the information and advised him that all new messages would be sent there.

“Well, can you resend the ones sent yesterday?”

“No sir. Unforunately, we do not store a copy of the message after it’s been delivered to the registered email address. That being the case, there is no way for us to retrieve the message. Your email server may have the misdirected copy stored somewhere in a cache file, if you wish to contact your email administrator.”

“Well, how do I view it online then?”

“There is no stored copy of the message sir. So, there’s no way to view it.”

“I can’t get it online?”

“No sir. Since we do not store a copy of the message, it’s not possible to pull it up for viewing online.”

It doesn’t improve with my next call.

Common courtesy is a thing of the past. You know, common courtesy, the procedure telling you that it’s generally a good idea to at least start off the call in a pleasant manner. Opening a conversation, as my next caller did, by exploding into the phone “Why can’t I send anything? Your system sucks.” is not a good way to get the CS rep on your side. Especially if you haven’t even bothered to state your name or company beforehand. While you may think it should be obvious who you are and what your problem is, all the CS rep knows is that some rude bastard is on the other other end of the phone bitching loudly about a problem we can’t even verify yet.

Here endeth the lesson.

More fun with credit cards:

Me: Do you have the account number?
Dude: No I don’t
Me: What email address did you use?
Dude: I don’t remember
Me: What’s the credit card on file?
Dude: Okay that I can give you. The last four digits…
Me: Sir, I need to whole credit card number
Dude: Okay… Honey! I need the card number
Dude’s Wife: Mumble, mumble, mumble…
Dude: Okay it’s XXXXXXX… and the last four are XXXX
Me: Sir, that’s only 10 numbers.
Dude: Hold on, we’re getting the card…

10 Minutes later we finally resolve his issue…

Okay… so I just overheard one of our reps have to explain to a customer where the Question Mark key was… On a keyboard…

I fear for the continued existence of the human race…