The CSR Files

My new “favorite” conversation between myself and customers…

Me: What’s the name on the card?
Customer: Bank of America.
Me: No… The name on the card.
Customer: Oh… Visa.
Me: Whose name is on the credit card?
Customer: Um…
Me: Thank you!

So this woman called, today. She said she was looking at her bill and saw all these charges for things she doesn’t need. She goes right past the charges for her actual service and starts reading off the taxes and fees. It took a lot to keep from telling her that no one needs the taxes on their bill.

Another one I just had to share… (Two in less than a week… I don’t know whether to be amazed or not…)

Convo is exact, with slight changes to hide identity and such…

Rep: adrianne, I have a cust who’s trying to download “Software B” for mac… I directed him to the website to download it…however he says that it is a .exe file for use with Windows only…he basically needs a file that will run on the mac os
Me: “Software B” is for PC only. As I’ve told her from the beginning…
Rep: u mean windows only?
Me: … Yes …
Rep: so howcome when he goes to “our website.com” and clicks downloads…theres two icons..one for windows and one for mac?
Me: That’s for “Software A”.
Rep: oh jeez hhahha…thanks
Me: ::sigh::

Okay… so…

Apparently, the Customer Support line, here at work has become confused with an escort service. We just had a guy call in… drunk off his arse, to request that we send him strippers…

…

WTF?!?!

Me: What version of our software are you using?
Customer: The $16.95 version.

…

………

Why do I even bother?

Yes, yes… Calling about problems with your friend’s account (and your’s) works so well, when you 1) don’t have your account information, 2) the email addresses you give me are nowhere in our database, 3) you don’t have the credit card number that’s being charged, if this is a billing issue and 4) you’re no where near a computer. Please try to be more prepared when you call me, dumbass.

Oh, and threatening to possibly take us to court over an issue I can’t help you with, because I can’t find your account does so much good…

An oldie, but a goodie…

Me: Ma’am we can’t call your bank, because we’re not their customer.
Woman on phone: Yes you can, people do it all the time. You can call them and get an approval.
Me: We already tried to call the charge in, Ma’am. We called Visa directly and it was declined.
Woman: So you called my bank all ready.
Me: No, we called Visa.
Woman: Well, you need to call my bank and get an approval code from them.
Me (to myself): Yes, because that’s going to work…
Me (to her): Okay, give me the information…

She does… I put her on hold and call her bank… Just to prove a point…

Me: Yes, one of your members is insisting that I call you, to get a charge approved.
Bank: Is the customer on the phone?
Me: She’s on the other line.
Bank: Can you patch her into this call.
Me: No, I really can’t (NOTE: everytime I’ve tried this, it’s ended in disaster).
Bank: What’s the account number?
Me: It’s 4XXXXXXXXXXXX
Bank: Name?
Me: Customer’s name
Bank: Well, we can’t discuss why the charge is declining with you. You’ll need to tell her to call us.
Me (to myself): HA!!!
Me (to the bank): Okay, thanks! ::click::

Back to the customer…

Me: Okay, I just got off the phone with your bank and they won’t tell me why the charge is declining. They want you to call them, to discuss it.
Woman: Okay, I’ll have to do that, then… ::click::
Me: I told you so…