So this woman called, today. She said she was looking at her bill and saw all these charges for things she doesn’t need. She goes right past the charges for her actual service and starts reading off the taxes and fees. It took a lot to keep from telling her that no one needs the taxes on their bill.
Another one I just had to share… (Two in less than a week… I don’t know whether to be amazed or not…)
Convo is exact, with slight changes to hide identity and such…
Rep: adrianne, I have a cust who’s trying to download “Software B” for mac… I directed him to the website to download it…however he says that it is a .exe file for use with Windows only…he basically needs a file that will run on the mac os
Me: “Software B” is for PC only. As I’ve told her from the beginning…
Rep: u mean windows only?
Me: … Yes …
Rep: so howcome when he goes to “our website.com” and clicks downloads…theres two icons..one for windows and one for mac?
Me: That’s for “Software A”.
Rep: oh jeez hhahha…thanks
Me: ::sigh::
An oldie, but a goodie…
Me: Ma’am we can’t call your bank, because we’re not their customer.
Woman on phone: Yes you can, people do it all the time. You can call them and get an approval.
Me: We already tried to call the charge in, Ma’am. We called Visa directly and it was declined.
Woman: So you called my bank all ready.
Me: No, we called Visa.
Woman: Well, you need to call my bank and get an approval code from them.
Me (to myself): Yes, because that’s going to work…
Me (to her): Okay, give me the information…
She does… I put her on hold and call her bank… Just to prove a point…
Me: Yes, one of your members is insisting that I call you, to get a charge approved.
Bank: Is the customer on the phone?
Me: She’s on the other line.
Bank: Can you patch her into this call.
Me: No, I really can’t (NOTE: everytime I’ve tried this, it’s ended in disaster).
Bank: What’s the account number?
Me: It’s 4XXXXXXXXXXXX
Bank: Name?
Me: Customer’s name
Bank: Well, we can’t discuss why the charge is declining with you. You’ll need to tell her to call us.
Me (to myself): HA!!!
Me (to the bank): Okay, thanks! ::click::
Back to the customer…
Me: Okay, I just got off the phone with your bank and they won’t tell me why the charge is declining. They want you to call them, to discuss it.
Woman: Okay, I’ll have to do that, then… ::click::
Me: I told you so…
Yeah, I know this is probably a very common conversation, but I had to share…
Me: What operating system are you using?
Customer: My scanner is an HP…
Me: That’s not what I asked you, sir. What operating system are you using?
Customer: I have a Dell…
Me: That’s what kind of computer you have. What… what version of Windows are you using?
Customer: XP, I think…
::sigh::
my email iam using is something@gmail.com.hotmail will not work on this laptop. - err… no wonder… Ya wanna make up your mind which address yer really usin’ there?
Caller: I wanted to speak to a manager.
Me: I’m a supervisor.
Caller: I wanted a manager.
Me: My manager’s not available. Can I get your account number?
Caller: You don’t need my account number. I need your manager’s name.
Me: My manager’s name is Slacker but he’s not available. If I can get your account information, perhaps I can assist you.
Caller: Okay… look. You give me something and I’ll give you something. What’s your manager’s number.
Me: I can’t give you that ma’am.
Caller: Okay what’s your number? I can call you directly and YOU can transfer me to your manager.
Me: I don’t have a direct line ma’am.
Caller: Well, they had to transfer the call to you somehow.
Me: I don’t have a direct line I can give YOU, ma’am.
Caller: So you lied to me. I’m recording this, btw and you’ve lied to me on tape.
Me: We’re recording this as well.
Caller: That’s fine. I still want to speak to your manager.
Me: I can’t give you that and I can’t pass you to my manager if I don’t have an account number and a description of your issue.
Caller: Well, why do you need my account information.
Me: To log the call, ma’am.
Caller: Well you don’t need my information for that. You can just write down what my issue is and give it to your manager.
Me: We need to have a record of the call, ma’am and in order to do that, we need your account information.
Caller: Well I’m not going to give you my account information.
Me: Okay… what is the problem you’re having.
Caller: My husband was double billed and Spikey said he wouldn’t refund me.
Me: Well, if I can get your account information, I can check the notes and see what happened.
Caller: Spikey has my account information. Ask him for it.
Me: Hold please.
I confer with Spikey. Apparantly, the caller’s husband tried to change his account information online, by adding a new service and then never called to delete the old one.
Me: Okay ma’am… I can see about submitting a refund request, but in order to do that, I’ll need your account information. NOTE: At this point I’ve already gotten the account info, but she doesn’t know that. ^_-
Caller: Spikey can’t give you my account information?
Me: He’s on another call, ma’am.
Caller: My account information is ______.
Me: Okay, ma’am. I’ll submit a refund for the extra charges right now.
Caller: Thank you.
Me: …ARGH!!!!
Snippets of a conversation with some idiot.
Me: I wan’t you to run a search for *.doc
Customer: You want me to search for “star.doc”
Me: … No. I want you to look for “*”, that’s Shift-8 “.doc”
Can I get an anvil, please?
So there’s this big long thread from a guy who’s been getting some sort of registry error when trying to run the software as a regular user on XP. I was actually starting to get somewhere with this guy but, unfortunately, his reply to my email and the subsequent email exchange seems to have only made things worse…
My email: Please do the following ___.
Customer: That didn’t work. Here are some screen shots of the error. (We didn’t get them)
Not so stupid rep: We didn’t get the files. Please resend them.
Customer: Okay. Here they are again. (We get them this time)
Stupid rep: We apologize for the inconvenience caused to you. To resolve your issue you will need to contact your software vendor.
Customer: You have to be kidding me? If this software is manufactured and distributed by you, wouldn’t that make you my software vendor? ::continues rant::
In the words of Scar, “I’m surrounded by idiots.”
It’s really just a question of paying attention to what we tell you and paying us the common courtesy afforded to all people. That’s it. That’s the secret to successfully dealing with Customer Service.
My first call of the day was from a customer who had changed his email address, but had not updated his account information. No biggie. I updated the information and advised him that all new messages would be sent there.
“Well, can you resend the ones sent yesterday?”
“No sir. Unforunately, we do not store a copy of the message after it’s been delivered to the registered email address. That being the case, there is no way for us to retrieve the message. Your email server may have the misdirected copy stored somewhere in a cache file, if you wish to contact your email administrator.”
“Well, how do I view it online then?”
“There is no stored copy of the message sir. So, there’s no way to view it.”
“I can’t get it online?”
“No sir. Since we do not store a copy of the message, it’s not possible to pull it up for viewing online.”
It doesn’t improve with my next call.
Common courtesy is a thing of the past. You know, common courtesy, the procedure telling you that it’s generally a good idea to at least start off the call in a pleasant manner. Opening a conversation, as my next caller did, by exploding into the phone “Why can’t I send anything? Your system sucks.” is not a good way to get the CS rep on your side. Especially if you haven’t even bothered to state your name or company beforehand. While you may think it should be obvious who you are and what your problem is, all the CS rep knows is that some rude bastard is on the other other end of the phone bitching loudly about a problem we can’t even verify yet.
Here endeth the lesson.
More fun with credit cards:
Me: Do you have the account number?
Dude: No I don’t
Me: What email address did you use?
Dude: I don’t remember
Me: What’s the credit card on file?
Dude: Okay that I can give you. The last four digits…
Me: Sir, I need to whole credit card number
Dude: Okay… Honey! I need the card number
Dude’s Wife: Mumble, mumble, mumble…
Dude: Okay it’s XXXXXXX… and the last four are XXXX
Me: Sir, that’s only 10 numbers.
Dude: Hold on, we’re getting the card…
10 Minutes later we finally resolve his issue…
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